J-scribe

I performed the following letter at the inaugral Canberra Women Of Letters event staged at the National Library of Australia this week as part of the Handwritten exhibition. Women of Letters is a literary salon curated by Marieke hardy and Michaela McGuire. The theme of the night was 'A letter about the history you'd like to change'. I chose to write my letter to my fiften year old self. The experience was cathartic and confronting...but ultimately liberating. Please write back...in the comments below.

February 16th, 2012

Dear Julie,

You don’t know me yet...but I know you intimately.

I know your past, your future and your present.

I can see you now, squatting, huddled with your little sister on the floor of your cluttered wardrobe. You’re trying to stem her sobs as the sound of doors slamming, screaming voices and smashing glass pierce the quiet suburban night. You’re worried your stepfather will hear your little sister as you try to stop her hyperventilating tears.

You show your sister only your strong face. You whisper comforting words. But you just want to scream at the injustice and stare down the violent man who turns your book-bound nights into horror stories.

I wish I could reach into your present and rescue you from that cupboard. Transport you to a safe place. But I have no time-turner. All I have are these words.

You are strong, Julie. Stronger than you know. You are brave and resilient. And you already know the power of perseverance...at fifteen.

The police will answer your neighbour’s call tonight, but they will not see the covered bruises. You’ll have to watch them walk away. And he will never change.

I wish I could tell you that you will get out of the house tonight, fall into the safety of Grandma’s bed and never have to return to this dark place. I cannot. Not yet. But I can tell you that you will survive.

You will escape this place. Your mother will finally break free. Your sister will be protected. You will find a home to which you can return in the evening without fear. From which you are not forced to flee in the middle of the night...

You will meet men who prefer the power of words to speaking with their fists. You will even find a few who are tender and reliable.

Your brave, generous heart will know love...selfless love...and great friendship.

But a caution: I know you like to wear that bruised heart on your sleeve, and I so admire that about you...but be careful with it. Exposed hearts are more vulnerable to abuse.

And something you should know: that wit you’re so proud of, that dimpled smile that masks pain, the laugh that mocks adversity, the scaffolding you’ve built – they will not fool everyone. And they cannot protect you from heartache and heartbreak...you will know them both.

Why am I telling you all this? Why don’t I just write down the next winning lotto numbers and the name of the man you’ll marry and sign off now??

Because, what you survive and how you survive it will be your history. You will trip and fall - sometimes painfully - but it’s in living through trials and triumphs that your identity will be formed. Know that you will never fail to get back up when you are knocked down.

You are smart, girl. And terribly outspoken. Those books piled on the floor and that fast tongue are your key to an interesting life. Use them both wisely.

People will ask you “Don’t you ever wish that you’d just kept your mouth shut??” Well, at times you probably will...but you should never be cowed by the many bullies you’ll encounter who want to keep the truth hidden or misrepresent it to the world.

What you’re enduring now is cementing in you a heart for social justice, a commitment to freedom of expression, a determination to speak truth to power, a refusal to sacrifice your integrity...if you can soften those quests with an ability to listen and an appreciation of silent moments...if you can accept that betrayal, pain, disappointment and grief are inevitable human experiences...if you can figure out how to avoid fearing regret...your life will be rich, interesting and balanced.

I need to go now, but one promise for the future I want to leave you with...you will know the love of your own child...I’m looking at her now. And every day she reminds me more of you.

With love from the future,

x Julie

PS Oh, one more thing: remember this - a Poodle Perm is NEVER a good idea!
PPS And another thing: the Internet will be big    [read more]